Humility...A Key To "More"

I have this indescribable hunger for God within me.  I want to be with Him, I want to walk with Him, I want to talk to Him, I want to listen to Him, be challenged by Him...KNOW HIM.  It's like I can't sit still.  Everything within me shakes for something that I do not have yet.  I want it; I need it. I know it's out there somewhere waiting to be tapped into.  I know I haven't even tasted of the very thing I'm living to grab ahold of.  I can't quite name it, but if I had to name it...I would call it "MORE".  I'm willing to dedicate my whole life to finding out what "more" is.  It's out there, I know it, and I'm going to get it! 

I just read one chapter in Andrew Murray's book "Humility" and I feel so stirred.  I'm stirred for more humility.  It intrigues me greatly and this is one thing I'm desperate for...it's part of "more".  I feel as if humility is one major thing that the church today is lacking.  We are self-sufficient, independent, and hardly desperate.  

In the particular chapter that I was reading Andrew Murray gave the illustration of how water falls down and resides in the lowest place it can reach.  "Just as water ever seeks and fills the lowest place, so the moment God finds the creature abased and empty, His glory and power flow in to exalt and to bless."  Therefore, we must reside and abide in the lowest place and remain fully immersed in the water so that His glory may be shown. 

With such a powerful illustration and anointed word, I believe, comes a significant weight to carry and a responsibility to walk out the message given.  It's almost as if the more we walk in pride, the more we emerge out of the water, and the more that happens, the more confused we get- disillusioned and deceived.  Oxygen is to our flesh as water is to our spirit, in a way. 

With this revelation that God has given me, I almost feel as if He's told me the world's/church's biggest secret.  He wants to glorify and be glorified in the lowest of people- the most humble.  When I finished the chapter, I started listening to some worship music and heard the lyrics "Glory, Glory, Send Your Glory" and was, I guess, broken and convicted all at the same time.  How can we beg for Him to send His glory when we are saturated with pride? 

Overall, I feel like people think that things like humility are just byproducts of His glory filling us.  Though that is the case to a certain extent, I want to step out on a limb, provoke some thoughts, and suggest another theory.  I'm not quite sure yet, but I dare to think that we must be in the right place, HUMBLE, in order to properly receive more of His glory.  I'm more than open to being wrong, but I'm willing to risk being right.  Yes, it is a risk because if indeed I am right, then God and I have a lot of work to do in order for me to become like Him... The Servant Of All... HUMBLE. 

"And let us believe that what He shows, He gives; what He is, He imparts.  As the meek and lowly One, He will come in and dwell in the longing heart." (Andrew Murray)          

Who Am I?

I have found that my walk with God is a cycle of breakthroughs.  This means that there is undoubtedly struggles involved along the way.  We experience our "highs" and "lows" throughout this unending cycle.  The breaking point is what creates what we Christians call a "breakthrough."  It is that very moment in time that something shifts and after hours, days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years that specific thing we were fighting for FINALLY resolves.  It is truly such an amazing feeling and is something that we should definitely never cease to contend for.  

All this to say, there are times in our lives that we just "hit a wall."  When this happens, what do we do?  How do we handle it?  Where do we go from there?  How, when standing before a wall, do you walk through it?  How do you knock it down, IF it is even meant to be demolished?  Walking around it almost seems foolish and cowardly.  So...what do we do?

All I can think of is to WAIT and PRAY that one morning when you wake up and open your eyes, it is just gone- disappeared.  How?  I do not know how, but I DO know that God LOVES making the impossible possible.  

We, as humans, can walk around a wall, we can scale walls, we can blast a hole in them and walk through them, and we can even break them apart and walk across the rubble, but one thing we CANNOT do is make a huge, thick, durable, heavy, strong wall disappear into thin air where the breaths that we FREELY draw are just memories/testimonies of what once was holding us back and now becomes our source of life shaping who we are today and what/who we can become tomorrow.  

Throughout cycles/processes like these, I have periodically had to ask myself one question:  Who Am I?  It seems simple, but it is not.  These three words challenge my character and cause me to give account of how much like Christ I am.  At each moment I seem to learn something else about myself that I did not know before.  

So, who am I?  I am a child of God that is scared to death of fully trusting her father (God).  Who am I?  I am a daughter of the King that doubts more than she believes- around every corner.  Who am I?  I am Jesus' beloved whom has yet to discover her true identity apart from her struggles.  The list can go on and on. 

After learning all these things, what now am I left with?  How can I possibly consider myself to be "Christ-like" to any degree.  Honestly, I cannot answer that question and I do not think I will ever be able to.  God transcends our carnal minds, while the fact remains- we are being transformed glory to glory. 

Where does our focus lie?  Is it on the positives or on the negatives?  I have learned that it cannot be on either of the two.  It must remain on God.  If we focus on the positive- pride follows; on the negative- condemnation; but on God- righteous perspective of who we are and how we see the world.  So, back to those three words; the question that can potentially define creation... WHO AM I?

I am a warrior, a conqueror, a child of God dearly loved by Him, a threat to the enemy- I am a Christian.  I am a "little Christ" (literal translation of "Christian") able to live the very heartbeat of Jesus each day while heaven is behind me cheering me on.  I am a person that can stand in front of a wall, speak the breath of God, then close my eyes only to open them to find a void of the wall that once was and will never be again.  Who am I?  I am an average person that, when gets pissed off enough, can make things disappear with some help from her Dad.  

Sacrifice

As Christians, I feel like we tend to find it hard to believe that we must lay "good things" down so that we can move forward in our lives and grow in the Lord.  We feel that is unbiblical and that all "good things" are to be stored up in our lives forever, and not just a season.  This belief is simply untrue.  God is the giver of all good things, but not all good things are given to us for life.  

Jesus tells us in the gospels that those who lay their lives down will find it.  Our Christian walk requires sacrifice.  No, it's not fun and it never feels good, but we must look down the road, learn how to be farsighted rather than nearsighted, and trust that God knows best.  He will not call us to lay something down for no reason.  There will always be a benefit; ultimately, it'll be for our good, our own growth in Him.   

Basically, I've found in my Christian walk that it's full of blessings unto sacrifices unto more blessings and at every step of the way (when I embrace the step)... growth!  I'm not implying that God is a bully that dangles candy in front of babies, because the reward after the sacrifice is exponentially preferable.  

So, "sacrifice?".... we have to choose how to look at it.  Is it unfair because it doesn't feel good and we're all about immediate comfort and pleasure while ignoring the long-term effects that something may have on our lives?  Or, do we lay our lives down, trusting God fully knowing that He knows best, and choose to see our lives through God's perspective (farsighted)?  That's a question that you can answer for yourself.  I choose the later.  

Family

It's 1:35am Monday morning on April 14th.  Church last night was really good.  After church, we went to a restaurant and chilled there for a bit.  I love being around everyone and just talking and having fun.  It's one of my most favourite things to do EVER. 

God's been showing me the importance of family.  Family is such a biblical symbol of love and God's desire is for everyone to be in that same family of love- his children.  I'm not just talking about "family" as in all Christians/body of Christ, but I'm talking about immediate family.  He's showing me how staying close to the family that you had no choice but to be a part of strengthens and encourages the specific individual (you).  Granted, there are circumstances where your immediate (blood) family may not fit into this mold, but even still... God has or will, if He hasn't already, place you in one!

You could very easily say that I am forced to learn this lesson because of the season of life that I am in- living in AU, halfway across the world from family, friends, and everything familiar.  I will say this though, I CHOOSE to be taught by God how important family is to me.  It's a precious lesson learned and a precious gift thats value should never be forgotten or diminished.